I just read a very interesting book (thanks to Grandpa Young) called "Every Child Has A Thinking Style" by Lanna Nakone. In the book the author explains that there are four thinking styles and ways that people organize their environments. If you can figure out which thinking style you are, you can spend time focused on organizing your surroundings a certain way to make things easier for you. What often happens is we ask people to think and organize in a certain way that doesn't match their style and they end up spending a lot of energy trying to make it work for themselves.
I did the quiz for Nora Lee and learned that she is a "Maintainer." I was a little worried about whether or not I had answered the questions accurately for her but after reading about "Maintainers" I was quite sure I had hit on something!
Here are a few quotes from the book describing Maintainers. "(Maintainers are) eager to tackle everyday tasks with accuracy, devotion, and a love of structure...They thrive with predictability and familiar routines. Urgency, pressure, and a loud, 'Get it done right now!' doesn't work well with these children. They will feel stressed out and deeply alarmed if they cannot take the time to plan and organize their next move. They need organization and structure to guide their life, day in and day out."
The book goes on to share things that make Maintainers feel safe, secure and that they simply enjoy. They like following the rules and like to do what others have done before them rather than charting their own way. One recommendation is to allow the child to make check lists. So, being the Maintainer that I am, I made three checklists on small white boards for Nora Lee. I cut out pictures of activities for getting up in the morning, things to do before leaving the house to go somewhere, and things to do before bed. Since Nora Lee cant read, she is still able to read the list on her own. Yesterday I introduced these list to her and she was absolutely delighted! She LOVED doing the activity then going to get her dry erase pen and make an "x" by the picture. It was very important to her to do it in order as it was listed on the list and to do an item, then check it off. No doing two items at once! Matt and I giggled at the accuracy of this book.
What's deeply helpful to Matt and I in having this information, is that structure is particularly important to Nora Lee. Even when I created "snack time" she latched onto that immediately and wanted to know that we were having our snack "at snack time."
The amazing thing is that we battle over her using the toilet before bed or going out somewhere, and with the list she hops right on the toilet. Some homeschooling families have very little structure and it sounds like that wont be a good fit for us. We will need to create lots of structure and deadlines. The book mentions that Nora Lee's relationship to time will be very positive and she will feel energized by deadlines rather than pressured.
It also says, "They do not do well when their stuff is handled, misplace, or lost. Your Maintainer does not easily share books or toys. Its not because they aren't kind; its just because they know things can be mistreated, and they really aren't too flexible when a book comes back torn or a toy is returned broken." We have found this with Nora Lee. She is actually very generous and seems to share things very well but if her toys are involved and they may be in jeopardy, she will not share and becomes very emotional. Some of this is being three years old, I'm sure, but I think some is personality.
I laughed when I read, "They are usually kind and sincere in explaining to the friends the best possible way to do something. They tend to be rigid because they believe there is only one way, and one right way, to do things." This is not always welcome by others! We have seen this a lot in Nora Lee. She knows this song about manners that goes something like, " We do not scream or shout, we do not scream or shout, we have good manners, we do not scream or shout. We do not push or shove...etc." On several occasions when another child is doing one of these thing she will go up and sing this song to the child. For example, she and I were at the children's museum and there was a five year old girl completely out of control. Yelling at other kids, scowling, angry, volatile. Nora Lee and I were sitting nearby and watching her tirade. Nora Lee said to me, "I want to go talk to that little girl." So she walked up and said, "Little Girl, I know a song about manners." And she began to sing her the song. The little girl hissed, "I DONT CARE!" Nora Lee came back to me. We were both a little shocked by the venom and then Nora Lee went back to try again and the girl pushed her. Both Nora Lee and I said firmly, "HEY!" and since no parents were stepping in, Nora Lee and I left that area.
A few Nora Lee quotes...
Also while the children's museum Nora Lee was playing in a small puppet theater. Another girl came and butted in front of her. Nora said, "Oh, excuse me, I was here first." (I was so proud of her response!) The girl ignored Nora Lee and a moment later went off somewhere else. Nora Lee poked her head through the theater and said, "Sorry audience."
She and I were watching a PBS show called Word World, which is really great! Nora Lee turned to me and said, "They (the characters) can talk to the narrator. Did you notice that?" I'm still surprised by the things that come out of her mouth!
"Mom, you are incorrect."
While at the beach, I was trying to make a sand castle before the waves could get it, she said "I am distracting the waves."
She is pretty magical.
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