A few weeks ago Nora Lee and I were in Target. She loves going through the toy section and I often will set my phone alarm for 10 minutes and let her look at all of the toys. We rarely buy anything but she has fun gazing at it all. On this particular day she really wanted a toy - a princess doll. These dolls are the size of Barbie but are a Disney princess like Belle or Cinderella. She really wanted one. So I asked her if she would like me to come up with some ways that she could earn money. She really liked that idea.
We left the store and I started thinking of tasks she could do -
Making her bed - 10 cents
Bringing her dishes to the kitchen - 10 cents
Setting the table - 10 cents
Sorting laundry - 50 cents
Sweeping the porch - 25 cents
Washing the windows (her favorite) - 50 cents
Vacuuming her rug - 25 cents
Mopping - 25 cents/room
Ultimately these are tasks that she will need to do just because she is part of the family, but being three years old, there are a limited number of things she can do. Nora Lee was very excited about earning money and was like a little Cinderella that day.
She had been given a piggy bank and at that time had started collecting loose change from around the house and raided our change jar. Because of this, it only took her a few days to gather up the $10 required to buy the doll. I don't know if it was good or bad that she got a reward so quickly. I was worried at first that it would take her so long to save up the ten bucks that she would be discouraged. But since it happened so quickly would she think earning $10 was a piece of cake?
In any case, we headed to Target where she joyfully picked out and paid for a Snow White doll. Success!
Nora Lee loves counting and Spanish. She is aching to learn more Spanish (she has actually learned quite a bit from watching Dora the Explorer) and we are looking for ways to make that happen. She can count to ten in Spanish and can count to 100 in English with some assistance. She understands that once you know how to count to ten you can count to 100 if you learn 20, 30, 40, etc.
After watching Sleeping Beauty she became obsessed with the number 100 (because Sleeping Beauty falls asleep for 100 years until the prince wakes her). This obsession has now turned into 1000. Let me explain what I mean. She uses 1000 to mean how much of something. For example, "I love you 1000 much" or like this morning when I asked her if her hands were messy she responded, "Just a tiny bit, like 1000 tiny bit messy."
Nora Lee has an imaginary friend that is her dog. Her name is Neck. Yes, that's right, Neck. The greatest name of all time. Her full name is Neck Cookie Young and she goes just about everywhere with us. We'll be in the house and all of a sudden Nora will say, "Oh no! Neck is pooping all over the house! I'll clean it up."
My favorite recent quote by Nora Lee: : "Mama, you are so still and calm. I love that about you mama."
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Nora Lee, Photographer
Nora Lee has always wanted to take photos and now she has her very own camera (a hand-me-down from Uncle Clay and Auntie Colleen)! She is delighted and took her first batch of photos this week. We told her to take pictures of whatever she thought was interesting or of things she loved. Here's what she came back with...
This ones not too bad. Maybe I should use it as my facebook photo which I have not updated in a century and in which I am holding Nora Lee at about 1 year old!
Her self-portrait
Matt and I have learned that it's a little tricky being models for a three-foot high photographer. We either have to bend down, squat or have a picture that accentuates our nose hair.
This ones not too bad. Maybe I should use it as my facebook photo which I have not updated in a century and in which I am holding Nora Lee at about 1 year old!
Her self-portrait
Matt and I have learned that it's a little tricky being models for a three-foot high photographer. We either have to bend down, squat or have a picture that accentuates our nose hair.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Boundaries
In general Nora Lee has gone to sleep easily. We have a bedtime routine and then she falls asleep. In the last month we had some issues which were not actually related to sleep but to being a three year old and pushing boundaries. Nora Lee is also usually quite well behaved. She is kind and considerate and can be reasoned with. But we went through a period of real challenges. We are on the other side of it now but I wanted to share the process.
It started slowly with an occasional refusal to do what was asked of her - resisting going to the bathroom when asked or putting on shoes, etc. We started putting her in "time-out" more often and then it stopped working. She would laugh and leave time out like it was a game. Then we started taking away things like her piggy bank or a beloved toy. This quickly stopped working too. I was feeling very nervous because none of these tactics felt right and yet I really didn't know what to do. Over a few weeks this escalated to a refusal to stay in bed at bedtime. She would laugh and basically say that she was in charge and wasn't going to go to bed. Right as this began, Matt went out of town and I went to San Diego. This was a very challenging week and one where I learned a ton!
I had read an approach online where you don't engage with the child you just lift her back in bed silently and do that as many times as you need for them to see that your serious and they need to stay in bed. That night I spent an hour and a half waiting outside her door and catching her running out and putting her back in bed. I felt calm and determined. She finally fell asleep from exhaustion. The next morning she apologized for getting out of bed. She had rug burns on her stomach from sliding off the bed so many times and my arms were very sore from lifting her onto the bed so many times. I felt successful and hopeful about the next bedtime.
The next night I was at my mom's house and I tucked her in and she started that terrible laugh and said "I'm gonna get out of bed again." My heart sank because I could see that she was ready for the game again and that the night before had not asserted myself as the boss but as a playmate. She was ready to do it all again. I started to cry. I knew I couldn't do it again, I was still recovering from the night before. I told her how upset I was and how sad I was. She put her hand on my back and started rubbing my back. She said, "Poor sad mama. Sometimes I'm just not going to do what you want my to do."
I was lost. I had no idea how to proceed. I had lost control and didn't know how to get it back. I walked out to my mom and Dario crying. She followed me. I explained what was happening. Dario looked Nora Lee in the eye and pointed his finger at her. He didn't yell but was very firm and said, "You need to got to bed. You are being disrespectful. This is my house and my rules and you are breaking them." Her lip started to quiver. The game was over. He continued, "We love you very much but you wont be welcome here again if you disrespect us." She burst out crying. I said "Do you want me to take you to bed now?" She nodded and she cried in bed for a few minutes and then fell asleep.
This was a turning point for me because I realized that what I was doing was no longer working like it had in the past. Through talking with my family and soul searching, I realized that the last few years were about building love and trust between Nora Lee and I but this new phase required me to be in total control and for her to know that without a doubt. Instead of picking my battles, I needed to win every one of them. Things that seemed to be inconsequential meant something now. When she and I played princesses and she asked me who I wanted to be, if I said Snow White and then she said, "No I'll be Snow White you be Ariel. I would have to say, "No I'm Snow White."
The next morning more tests began and I knew I had to pass this time. We were having a tea party and it went like this:
Nora Lee: What kind of cream do you want?
Sara: I would like vanilla please.
NL: You can have vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate.
S: No, I want vanilla. ( I started to pretend to pour the vanilla.)
NL: You're pouring chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla!
S: No, Im pouring vanilla. This isnt fun for me. You asked me what I wanted then gave me what you wanted me to have. Im not going to play any more.
She began to tear up but I continued walking to the kitchen. I started making breakfast. Mom and Dario came in and we greeted. Nora Lee felt the dynamics shift and didn't like it. My mom started scratching my back and we hugged good morning. Nora Lee said "Dont scratch her back!" My mom laughed and said, "Are you the queen?" That made Nora Lee cry. About half an hour later at breakfast Nora Lee started to interrupt my mom and I firmly said, "You need to wait your turn to talk." She did.
It took several days and nights to establish control. I had to get extremely firm with her at night. I told her she had pushed me too far and I let her think I might have gone crazy. I even had to hold her down and hold her face so she would look me in the eye and know how serious I was.
She started to play the game in Target of running away. I warned her once that if she went where she couldn't see me then we would leave the store. She loved that game so ran away. I picked her up and left a full basket of things (bummer for me but it paid off). After a few days of this firmness she stopped pushing. She wanted to cooperate again.
When Matt returned home he had to establish the same control. She really responded to him telling her what a brat was and she really didn't want to be a brat.
We are feeling successful and in control now. I never knew Id have to get as scary forceful as I did those first few nights - I call myself Crazy Mama. But I haven't had to pull her out and I think if I do, then Nora will respond quickly. I hope so...
It started slowly with an occasional refusal to do what was asked of her - resisting going to the bathroom when asked or putting on shoes, etc. We started putting her in "time-out" more often and then it stopped working. She would laugh and leave time out like it was a game. Then we started taking away things like her piggy bank or a beloved toy. This quickly stopped working too. I was feeling very nervous because none of these tactics felt right and yet I really didn't know what to do. Over a few weeks this escalated to a refusal to stay in bed at bedtime. She would laugh and basically say that she was in charge and wasn't going to go to bed. Right as this began, Matt went out of town and I went to San Diego. This was a very challenging week and one where I learned a ton!
I had read an approach online where you don't engage with the child you just lift her back in bed silently and do that as many times as you need for them to see that your serious and they need to stay in bed. That night I spent an hour and a half waiting outside her door and catching her running out and putting her back in bed. I felt calm and determined. She finally fell asleep from exhaustion. The next morning she apologized for getting out of bed. She had rug burns on her stomach from sliding off the bed so many times and my arms were very sore from lifting her onto the bed so many times. I felt successful and hopeful about the next bedtime.
The next night I was at my mom's house and I tucked her in and she started that terrible laugh and said "I'm gonna get out of bed again." My heart sank because I could see that she was ready for the game again and that the night before had not asserted myself as the boss but as a playmate. She was ready to do it all again. I started to cry. I knew I couldn't do it again, I was still recovering from the night before. I told her how upset I was and how sad I was. She put her hand on my back and started rubbing my back. She said, "Poor sad mama. Sometimes I'm just not going to do what you want my to do."
I was lost. I had no idea how to proceed. I had lost control and didn't know how to get it back. I walked out to my mom and Dario crying. She followed me. I explained what was happening. Dario looked Nora Lee in the eye and pointed his finger at her. He didn't yell but was very firm and said, "You need to got to bed. You are being disrespectful. This is my house and my rules and you are breaking them." Her lip started to quiver. The game was over. He continued, "We love you very much but you wont be welcome here again if you disrespect us." She burst out crying. I said "Do you want me to take you to bed now?" She nodded and she cried in bed for a few minutes and then fell asleep.
This was a turning point for me because I realized that what I was doing was no longer working like it had in the past. Through talking with my family and soul searching, I realized that the last few years were about building love and trust between Nora Lee and I but this new phase required me to be in total control and for her to know that without a doubt. Instead of picking my battles, I needed to win every one of them. Things that seemed to be inconsequential meant something now. When she and I played princesses and she asked me who I wanted to be, if I said Snow White and then she said, "No I'll be Snow White you be Ariel. I would have to say, "No I'm Snow White."
The next morning more tests began and I knew I had to pass this time. We were having a tea party and it went like this:
Nora Lee: What kind of cream do you want?
Sara: I would like vanilla please.
NL: You can have vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate.
S: No, I want vanilla. ( I started to pretend to pour the vanilla.)
NL: You're pouring chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla!
S: No, Im pouring vanilla. This isnt fun for me. You asked me what I wanted then gave me what you wanted me to have. Im not going to play any more.
She began to tear up but I continued walking to the kitchen. I started making breakfast. Mom and Dario came in and we greeted. Nora Lee felt the dynamics shift and didn't like it. My mom started scratching my back and we hugged good morning. Nora Lee said "Dont scratch her back!" My mom laughed and said, "Are you the queen?" That made Nora Lee cry. About half an hour later at breakfast Nora Lee started to interrupt my mom and I firmly said, "You need to wait your turn to talk." She did.
It took several days and nights to establish control. I had to get extremely firm with her at night. I told her she had pushed me too far and I let her think I might have gone crazy. I even had to hold her down and hold her face so she would look me in the eye and know how serious I was.
She started to play the game in Target of running away. I warned her once that if she went where she couldn't see me then we would leave the store. She loved that game so ran away. I picked her up and left a full basket of things (bummer for me but it paid off). After a few days of this firmness she stopped pushing. She wanted to cooperate again.
When Matt returned home he had to establish the same control. She really responded to him telling her what a brat was and she really didn't want to be a brat.
We are feeling successful and in control now. I never knew Id have to get as scary forceful as I did those first few nights - I call myself Crazy Mama. But I haven't had to pull her out and I think if I do, then Nora will respond quickly. I hope so...
Travel
There were entire fields full of wishes to make!
A camel stole my bucket!
A zebra right outside the window!
Grandma Donna and Nora Lee
VMI Parade
Grandpa Mike and Nora Lee
Military Parade at VMI
Grandpa Mike and Nora Lee
We just returned from spending a week in San Diego and then a week in Lexington, Virginia - all visiting family. Nora Lee did beautifully on the flight to and from the east coast. We only had one mishap when she fell in the toilet in the airport and bruised her leg. I was holding onto her and then lifted one of my arms so that I could grab the toilet paper. When I did, she fell in and started screaming "Mama you're hurting me!" Everyone in the bathroom (and outside the bathroom) were convinced I was torturing my child. When we finally got cleaned up and left the restroom Matt said, "What was going on in there!" Nora Lee dried her tears and said so sincerely to Matt, "Daddy, did that ever happen to you when you were little?" He lied and said yes.
Grandpa Mike and Grandma Donna live in a beautiful tiny town (about 7,000 people) in Virginia. It takes about ten minutes to drive into this town from where they live which is located in the Shenandoah Valley and absolutely stunning. Green everywhere and my personal heaven. We played in the yard and Grandpa Mike showed Nora Lee how to play golf, football and soccer. She even had her own sized golf clubs!
One of my favorite things on the trip was going to Safari Park. Incredible animals lived on acres of land and we got to drive our car through and feed them. They would actually stick their heads into the car! It was scary at times and totally thrilling!
We were in Virginia for five days and then we flew home. We ended up on an international flight with our own TVs and tons of movie choices. Nora Lee watched movies the whole way which was awesome. She got really tired near the end and fell asleep. Unfortunately we hadn't put her in a diaper so when we lifted her up to carry her out we realized she was sleeping in a pool of pee. Luckily the seats were leather and I got it cleaned up quickly and gave the flight attendant a heads up.
We are happy to be home and with Hogarth again. it was our first time away from him and all went well.
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